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The Conjuring (Movie Review) – The Warrens are coming!

Lolkein Reviews

The Conjuring (Movie Review) – The Warrens are coming!


As mentioned earlier in my review of It Follows, I love horror movies more than anything else. In fact I tend to get the best sleep ever after I’m done with a truly satisfying  horror film!

Yeah, it’s a childhood problem.

So…The Conjuring?

The Conjuring is pure genius from the mind of James Wan, who’s only goal in life is to scare the living shit out of people.


He’s Asian! What do you expect? Sorry for sounding stereo–typical, but everything that comes of Japan is either outright Tellytubbies stupid, or Hattori Hanzo Badass! They don’t deal in averages!

And thus, The Conjuring was made.

The movie starts off with a couple of teenagers who are harassed by a doll that if you observe closely, does everything an annoying kid would do. But then, since this is a doll and has all the expressions of a Please-don’t-ever-buy-me-cause-I-look-creepy kinda doll, the situation is critical.


Enter Ed & Lorraine Warren! And they essentially explain the plot of another movie called “Annabelle” and take the doll in their possession! (Perhaps the only movie with a Before-credit reveal for next movie)

This is when the real movie begins and cliché’s fly all across the room!


So coming back to the plot!

The Perron family moves into a new countryside house, and shit goes down as doors start shutting randomly, creepy kids start walking alone at night, secret spooky basement stuff and weird ass sounds in the middle of the night that should totally be ignored, starts messing shit up.


Enter Ed & Lorraine Warren (The paranormal investigators), again, who are summoned upon to find out why all of this is happening.


The investigation turns into slow-pace hunt that is intense and spooky at every turn. You want to know what’s going to happen to the Perron family while simultaneously trying to NOT know what CAN happen.

Though Conjuring has probably every cliché there could ever be, it still manages to scare the shit out of you! Very paradoxical if you ask me, but then the movie, DID pull that off. It answered a very important, but strange freakin question that never occurred to me:
How do you surprise someone who already knows the surprise?

I have three answers to that question.

  1. It is based on a true-story.
    So every time some creepy shit happens, you’d be like, “Oh this can’t be happening”, but then reality will strike you and you’d be like “But this DID happen. And it could happen to me as well. I sure am gonna get killed tonight!”
  2. Acting is top-notch.
    Unlike your typical horror movies, acting in The Conjuring is seriously good. It’s intense and real. I generally hate kids in these kinda movies, but in this one, all 5 of them are probably winners of your Halloween’s Most Scary Expression Competition.
  3. There are just too many BAD horror movies.

But the most important reason is that James Wan, the Director has managed to make the most commercial horror film of the decade, with a single masterstroke of class And if you still don’t trust the most-trustworthy LOLKein, The Conjuring is  one of the rare movies that got an R-Rating. Not for Nudity, Not for Obscene stuff, Not for Violence…

…but purely because it’s plain and simple…Scary!

Now that should be reason enough for anyone to watch this one! Claps anyone?

LOLkein, over and out!



I love movies. I love a good laugh. Put two and three together. The name’s Kein…LOLkein. They tell me my jokes are lame. I go like “You talkin to me?” (in De-Niro accent), and then they are like “Yea, we ARE talking to you” and I like hold out my gun and say in slo-mo “I like the way you die bwoy”… …and then I get shot. Loads of data analysis, Loads of Puns, Wait for the LOLkein, cause it’s gonna be fun!

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  1. Aadil Naik April 11, 2016

    This review is hilarious! Love the review – and love the writing style.

  2. Vain Gogh November 23, 2016

    well! LOLkein, you killed Conjuring in one review for me! Thanks! X(


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