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Saving Matt Damon – A Review of The Martian

Lolkein Reviews

Saving Matt Damon – A Review of The Martian


*Ring Ring*

Ridley: So what say Matt? Are you up for the role of Mark Whatney?

Matt: I dunno Scott. Just seems a bit unfair.

Ridley: Unfair to who?

Matt: Hanks. Tom Hanks ofcourse. Poor chap already did Cast Away and Apollo 13 and this movie seems like a combination  of both of them together.

Ridley: Why do you give a shit?

Matt: You kidding me? He’s the one who saved me in Saving Pvt. Ryan! If it wasn’t for him, the movie might as well have been called Dead Pvt. Ryan.

Ridley: He didn’t win the Oscar buddy! You could!

Matt: When does the shoot begin?

*line goes dead*

By now you must have understood that ‘The Martian’ is not a unique plot at all. However there is just one thing that makes this movie and the struggle of Mark Whatney different.

It’s on MARS!


23 KABOOMS later!


So in that wake, NASA resorts to this…


But where there is a Will, there is a way. Only in this case, there is NO Will Smith, and neither there seems to be a way!

<Insert Dramatic Music>
and then…



And thus begins the tale of “The Martian” or as Samuel L. Jackson would have said “Shit Just got serious”

He’s hurt. He’s alone. He’s desperate. And with no way to check his Facebook notifications, check Whatsapp messages or watch porn, Mark Whatney is left with just one option…


Turns out, he is a genius. AND he can do the math to keep himself alive. Don’t believe me? Ask this guy!

Just to put things into perspective out here, MARS is very far from Earth. Sound waves that travel and 300000km/sec take about 21 minutes to reach Mars at its farthest.


But yea, that doesn’t stop our protagonist botanist (oh yeah) from being motivated.

And this is where The Martian movie turns into a fun run. It’s absolutely hilarious by standards of survival movies which normally tend to be depressing as shit. (I stopped playing Football after watching Wilson in Cast Away. *sob sob*) But not The Martian.


This movie has excitement and fun written all over it. From growing potatoes, to making water (and losing it again) to travelling long distances on a giant-ass-transformer-looking-vehicle, to pop-culture references, The Martian is fresh and innovative. And guess what, most of the science BS is accurate too. Who would have thought that? ha!

For the first time ever, Matt Damon is not being an idiot while being rescued. His sense of humour keeps him going and yes ofcourse, the potatoes. So does all of his surviving count for shit at the end, when this is what is happening back on earth?



How does the rescue mission turn out to be? Well, that’s for you to find out and trust me, you’d be surprised.

As for me, I still can’t get this tweet out of my head.


This is LOLkein. Over & Out.



I love movies. I love a good laugh. Put two and three together. The name’s Kein…LOLkein. They tell me my jokes are lame. I go like “You talkin to me?” (in De-Niro accent), and then they are like “Yea, we ARE talking to you” and I like hold out my gun and say in slo-mo “I like the way you die bwoy”… …and then I get shot. Loads of data analysis, Loads of Puns, Wait for the LOLkein, cause it’s gonna be fun!

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